Over last week there have been several confirmed reports of a ghostly galleon sailing up the River Thames towards the London waterfront. First spotted near Tilbury, this spectral ship has appeared only at night, in the midst of a moving bank of fog.

Additional sightings in Purfleet, Erith, Creekmouth and Woolwich have given some weight to the ghostly apparation.

“It was downright odd. Usually there’s a little traffic on the river, even late at night. But this fog rolled in out of the blue, and from the river you could hear the creak of old wood and the slap of wet canvas. I peered into the mist, and could make out the shape of one of those old ships, huge and black in the middle of the fog. When it passed, the fog lifted.”

The ship has been spotted along the outskirts of London proper, moving within it’s private fog bank, occasionally passing through other ships.

“Damndest thing that’s ever happened to me. We’re pushing a barge up river, when this fog rolls in. Nothing too unusual in that. The weather’s always a little unpredictable. Then out the stern, someone spots a huge old ship headed straight for us. I figured we were in trouble. The tug’s steel, but that was a big ship headed for us at full speed. Then, it disappeared, the fog going with it.”

Other reports of similar encounters have been popping up all week. Several witnesses have described what appears to be a large gilded deer on the rear of the vessel. Compass researches have linked the device to that of the Golden Hinde, Sir Francis Drake’s flagship.

Whether or not this ghostly ship is indeed the Hinde is yet to be determined, however, Compass reporters have also noted that a table in the Middle Temple, which is reportedly made from the wood of the Golden Hinde, has been steaming during the last week, perhaps giving off some of the same fog that surrounds it’s phantasm.

Headlines, Stories

The London Compass has some rather upsetting news for our viewers. A long standing tradition has ended this year.

For over thirty years, the Compass and it’s staff have launched careers, created celebrities and lifted a number of previously unknowns to new heights.

This week, that tradition ended. The Page 5 girl is no more.

The London Compass has been brought under suit in civil court by various groups determined to enforce their ideals of morality on the paper and the public. Representing these groups is the legal firm of Chalmers, Goldstein and Dunnen known for their high profile clients and old money connections.

The Compass’s team has discovered that among the family clients of C, G & D are the notable Meins family. Which is where we at the paper begin to suspect some foul play.

This week was supposed to feature one Lady Victoria Meins-Cooper. A beautiful bombshell of a lady, laid out across Page 5 in conjunction with the news of her acting career launching.

Lady Victoria is slated to appear as the next Doctor’s companion in the latest incarnation of the BBC’s Doctor Who. She had approached us for a pictorial, and we, knowing our loyal audience, opened our studios to the blond aristocrat.

What we didn’t expect, however, was a Cease and Desist order from the Meins family Lawyers a day before we were scheduled to go to press. We fought as best we could, but unfortunately, we did not have deep enough pockets to keep their solicitors from bankrupting the paper.

As a result we have shut down the printing operations of the Compass and moved to a wholly online site. Unfortunately, the Page 5 archives, over 1500 pictorials over 30 years, have been confiscated by the courts as evidence, and an injunction was filed preventing us from soliciting new pictorials. (For now)

We plan to continue on. While we’re prohibited from putting up new pictorials, the rest of the paper will continue, and now that we’re online, we hope to reach a global audience while still remaining true to the small paper that was just crushed by small minded pettiness and legal maneuvering.

Headlines, Stories

Local pub owner and small brewer Gregory Hannason has returned from a long strange trip.  Following the trail of some thieves that had been breaking into his cellar and stealing casks, the brewer stumbled into what can only be described as Fairyland.

“I followed drag marks from one of my casks to the back of the pub’s cellar, right into a wall.  The pub’s been here for a long time, longer than my family has, and I inherited the place from my grandfather, so I thought it might have been an old tunnel, back when they put in the Underground.”

Gregory set up watch behind some old shelves for a week, spending his nights awake in the cellar, waiting for the thieves.

“I still can’t believe my eyes.  A section of the wall opened up, and this bright light shown through.  Then one of the casks lifted up and floated through the opening.  Plain as day.”

Mr Hannason scoured the wall the next day, looking for the catch that would open his newly discovered secret door.

“My Gran told me to spread salt across the floor right in front of the wall instead.  I did it to humor her, but the thefts stopped right after.  Maybe the salt jammed up the door’s mechanism or something.”

The Compass had been invited to investigate the pub’s basement (Along with a sampling of some of the Brewmaster’s private stock.) and found no evidence of a secret passage into the Underground.  However, our reporters did sit up with Mr Hannason one night as he brushed the salt away from the wall.

Our correspondents may have had too much to drink that night, but both of them describe a section of the basement wall “opening” and a light as bright as full sunshine coming through the door.  A pair of casks, filled with some of the pub’s finest dark were pulled through the door, which sealed up again.  Mr Hannason immediately put salt back down across the wall.

Headlines, Stories

Sunken Land’s throne has New Heir?

The legend of Lyonesse lives on in the hearts of the people of Cornwall, and now one of them, Cornish businessman Glynn Mylor(62) has claimed rights to the throne of the sunken kingdom.

Legend has it that Lyonesse sank beneath the sea, with only a single survivor to mark it’s tale.  However, this is the last of a long history of stories, including the Arthurian tale of Tristan and Iseult.  Mr. Mylor has spent the last five years compiling his family’s genealogy and has uncovered a surprising revelation about his family tree.

“Apparently there is quite a comprehensive library regarding the old Lyonesse monarchy being held in an archive on St. Mary’s (Scilly Islands – ed).  I was able to trace my bloodlines back to pre-Norman times here in Cornwall, but found myself missing pieces.  When I went to fill in the gaps, there was a direct connection between the ancient Lyonesse kings and one of my ancestors.”

Mr. Mylor intends to petition Parliament and the British Crown to have them recognize his claim.  He has said that he has no plans beyond that.

“Well, I mean.  The kingdom itself sunk before anyone can remember.  There’s nothing left of it but old tales.  What am I going to do with it?  But it’s still a nice story to tell the grandkids.”

Members of Parliament could not be reached for comment.

Stories

Part three of this ongoing series, we are publishing an exclusive interview with Miss V, a professional Succubus.

Compass: You say you often work with children, I’d expect that most people would have reservations about hiring a succubus therapist for their child.

Miss V: Tactful.  I like that.  I don’t hide what I am Lyle, but I don’t push it in people’s faces either.  Given the stories surrounding succubi and incubi, I tend to be careful about other people’s opinions, especially when it comes to my career.  However, given my talents, I tend to have a high success rate when it comes to children.  They’re much more in touch with their emotions and that makes it a lot easier to deal with them.

Compass: You use your powers in your professional life?  Isn’t that a conflict of interest?

Miss V: What conflict?  Doctors of all stripes use their abilities to treat their patients.  Journalists like yourself use all your talents to get the best stories.  Why should I cripple myself because of what I am?  The children are in no danger from me.  For one thing, they’re awake when I counsel them.

Compass: Awake?  Does that mean that…

Miss V: Yes.  People are really only in danger from succubi when they’re asleep.  Taking someone’s energy and life is time consuming, and uncomfortable for them.  And really unnecessary for us to live.  We’re monsters, but we’re not villains.

Interview with a Vamp is a new weekly column featured in the London Compass.

Interview with the Vamp, Stories