The London Compass has some rather upsetting news for our viewers. A long standing tradition has ended this year.

For over thirty years, the Compass and it’s staff have launched careers, created celebrities and lifted a number of previously unknowns to new heights.

This week, that tradition ended. The Page 5 girl is no more.

The London Compass has been brought under suit in civil court by various groups determined to enforce their ideals of morality on the paper and the public. Representing these groups is the legal firm of Chalmers, Goldstein and Dunnen known for their high profile clients and old money connections.

The Compass’s team has discovered that among the family clients of C, G & D are the notable Meins family. Which is where we at the paper begin to suspect some foul play.

This week was supposed to feature one Lady Victoria Meins-Cooper. A beautiful bombshell of a lady, laid out across Page 5 in conjunction with the news of her acting career launching.

Lady Victoria is slated to appear as the next Doctor’s companion in the latest incarnation of the BBC’s Doctor Who. She had approached us for a pictorial, and we, knowing our loyal audience, opened our studios to the blond aristocrat.

What we didn’t expect, however, was a Cease and Desist order from the Meins family Lawyers a day before we were scheduled to go to press. We fought as best we could, but unfortunately, we did not have deep enough pockets to keep their solicitors from bankrupting the paper.

As a result we have shut down the printing operations of the Compass and moved to a wholly online site. Unfortunately, the Page 5 archives, over 1500 pictorials over 30 years, have been confiscated by the courts as evidence, and an injunction was filed preventing us from soliciting new pictorials. (For now)

We plan to continue on. While we’re prohibited from putting up new pictorials, the rest of the paper will continue, and now that we’re online, we hope to reach a global audience while still remaining true to the small paper that was just crushed by small minded pettiness and legal maneuvering.

Headlines, Stories