Reverse Parenting
Dear Miss Phoebe,
Two years ago I moved my elderly parents into my home to look after them. They are 64 and 85 and both physically well. I am a 37 years old male, gay, and in a serious relationship. My mother has hated my father for years and he blames her (unfairly) for how I’ve turned out.
I’m started to feel the strain of their constant verbal assaults on both each other and my lifestyle. It’s a sad thing when a grown man, old enough to have children of his own, feels he can’t have his own partner come to his house due to his parents’ overwhelming disapproval.
I feel trapped and desperate to get out but I feel can’t leave her with him.
Do I have to be cruel and send them away my own benefit? I love my mother, and don’t feel right leaving her with a man she hates so much. Is life taking revenge on him?
Dear Frustrated,
Oh totally! Karma is completely throwing the sticky brown stuff into your father’s life at the end of his twilight years.
However, on an actual serious note. Your parents have deeper underlying issues, your relationship, and furthermore, your sexuality is not actually a centerpiece of these issues, rather it’s ammunition used to throw at each other.
Now I’m just an Agony Aunt, and not a licensed Psychotherapist, but even I can see that your parents, elderly as they are, need to see a professional about this problem.
On another note, have you tried talking to either parent about the issues? Do they blame the other for the friction? It could just be a case of you needing to set the rules for them as strongly as they did for you when you were a child. A case of “My House, My rules” might just be what they need for you to be able to be yourself again.
– Miss Phoebe